Lost in Reflection... Again...

It seems that at this time of year, we say goodbye to many around us. The holidays can be a time of celebration for many and yet at the same time, a time to remember, a time to pause and reflect and - on occasion - a time of great sadness.


Once again, I write from a place of quiet reflection.  Today, the mother of one of my oldest and dearest friends, left this world.

Michelle and I have been friends for 35 years and I have known her mother since I was a wee girl of 11.  As I think of Jacqueline, I remember a petite lady (not so unlike my own departed mother) who was a surrogate mum figure when I was at her house, visiting my friend.  I remember her voice and her lovely German accent like it was only yesterday.  I remember that she talked to me and listened when I shared things with her.  I remember that she genuinely cared.

I didn't see her much when I grew into my 20's and moved away, yet she remembered me and sent me a wedding gift, along with her good wishes on the day that I married. 

I heard of her through Michelle over the years and knew that Alzheimer's had claimed her, as with so many others.  I cannot imagine the pain that must be felt when your own mother no longer remembers you.  I lost my mother when I was just 24 years old but she knew me up until the time that she left this world. 

As I sit and remember our childhood, the games we played, the TV shows that we watched and the things that we talked about while growing from grade 5 schoolgirls into pre-teens, then into teenagers and finally - into the women that we would become - wives and mothers - it seems unfathomable that Michelle and I are now close to the ages that our respective mothers were when she and I became friends so long ago.

Time is passing us by so quickly.  Thirty-plus years have melded into memories that ebb and flow... friendships and relationships that have grown apart then grown back together, ultimately withstanding the test of time.

Once again, I am lost in my own thoughts as I hear those around me repeating,  'I'm too busy', 'I don't have time' - to the question, 'When are we going to get together over the holidays?'  We can be so quick to dismiss time with those closest to us, thinking that we will always have plenty of time to do it... someday.  Only 'someday' doesn't always arrive...

I'd give anything to be able to see my mum and talk to her and hug her close and tell her that I love her.  I would bet that Michelle would say the same thing. 

If you have the opportunity to spend time with loved ones - do it!  They might annoy or infuriate you sometimes... and delight you at others... but don't waste the time that we have been given.  Time passes quickly and before you know it - that opportunity is gone...

Feel the Love Inside and Express It Outwards

It's been a sad week... I got word that a friend of mine died very suddenly while in Florida last week.  Rolf had just driven himself down there to spend 5 months relaxing (not working, as in previous years) and taking some time to be kind to himself.  As I understand it, he felt ill upon returning to his hotel room after dinner and called 911.  He arrested in the ambulance en route to the hospital and could not be revived.  He left this world so suddenly and none of us had a chance to say 'Goodbye'. 

I wonder what his last thoughts were.  I wonder if he knew that he was loved.  I hope so. 

I know that his path was not always smooth.  I know that he had many experiences in his past that helped shape him and the directions that he chose were not always those that others - not in his shoes - would have chosen for themselves or for him. 

As I think of him, I remember a man who smiled from his heart and it touched his eyes. He brought me flowers when he came to dinner. He made me feel 'special' whenever he was around just by letting his inner charm shine outwards.  It was impossible not to like him.

He leaves behind many people who knew him and loved him - for all his quirks and successes and failures - for better or for worse - he was Rolf... and now he's no longer with us.

How many times have we known inside of ourselves that we love another person - be it a friend, lover, family member... or go a little farther outwards - to your co-workers, students, teachers, acquaintances... but never said or done anything about it?

In my yoga practice and teachings, I encourage and try to foster connection within the heart and mind.  Connection with Self.  Connection with Source.  Many of us do this in our own ways. 

Feeling the love inside of us - connecting with that inner beauty and spirit that live within each one of us - is powerful - but it can't stop there - you have to express it outwards and share it with those around you.  Maybe you say 'I love you'.  Perhaps you share of yourself selflessly with another, or practice random acts of kindness with no expectation of reciprocity... give a hug to a person who needs one... go for a walk and chat with someone who is having a low day... in other words, share yourself.  Share your light with another's light and one by one, illuminate the world around you.

I don't believe that death is the end.  I do believe that when I am ready to leave this world, I wish to be free of regrets for things not said or done when I had the opportunity.  I wish to be at peace. 

Be kind to yourselves, my friends.  Tell those around you that you love them and cherish the time you have together. 

- Namaste